Ever Since I Was a Young Boy, I've Played the Silver Ball

Film: Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead
Format: Streaming video from Peacock on Fire!

The first Phantasm movie is a weird horror classic—the sort of movie that invites you into the mind of Don Coscarelli, who clearly has more ideas than he knows what to do with. The Phantasm movies are famous for the flying chrome spheres that reveal head-stabbing blades and drills that drain people of blood and for the presence of the undertaker-adjacent Tall Man (Angus Scrimm). The first movie is a fever dream of murder and aliens, as is the second. By the time we’ve reached Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead, Coscarelli has lost the plot in a lot of ways.

That’s the thing about the Phantasm movies: they don’t make a great deal of sense. Are they supernatural horror movies? Is the Tall Man actually connected to aliens on some distant planet? If so, why resurrect the dead? The reality is that you either buy into the insanity of the films and the series or you don’t. If you buy in, you’re going to see some things that don’t make a lot of sense but will stick with you.

To be honest, I don’t know that I love the films in general, but I do love the level of chaos that they bring. If you’ve never seen one of these movies, I cannot stress just how completely batshit crazy they really are. In the first movie, a young boy named Mike (A. Michael Baldwin, who takes a break in the second movie then comes back for the third) discovers that people in his town are dying mysteriously, and with the help of Reggie, the local ice cream man (Reggie Bannister), tracks the problem to the local mortician, the Tall Man. This continues in the second film.

By the time we reach the third film, Mike has been in and out of mental institutions and hospitals, and is finally released again, which triggers the Tall Man to start chasing him again. Reggie appears to be the only one who can legitimately fight against the Tall Man and the deadly silver spheres. In Phantasm III, Mike has been taken by the Tall Man and Reggie sets off in pursuit, discovering entire towns that have been laid to waste by the Tall Man, with people replaced by zombies and grave diggers who dig up the corpses to be used to create zombies.

We’re going to get a few additions to the cast this time. Tim (Kevin Connors) is a young boy who appears to be the last remaining person in his town, holding out in his house that he’s boobytrapped to keep himself safe. We will also add Rocky (Gloria Lynne Henry), who turns out to be a pretty good fighter, but doesn’t really explain why they find her in a mausoleum. We will also discover that the spheres are conscious—the Tall Man encases the brains of his victims in them (an odd thought considering the size of the spheres), and is using them to enact a plan to take over other dimensions. Why? Why not. It’s a Phantasm movie. You expect to see people get their heads drilled into by the flying spheres. You don’t expect it to make sense.

Look, Phantasm III isn’t a good movie. It’s a weird movie and a goofy movie, and there’s a bit of blood and gore to it, but that’s really about it. The blood is pretty standard, the gory isn’t that gory, and the overall story isn’t that scary. Even the Tall Man, who is so menacing in the first film, seems a lot more toned down for this one. This is still rated R, but it feels like it barely crosses that threshold. You could cut about 30 seconds from this and make it PG-13.

The reality is that these movies are about themselves in large part. You enjoy the weirdness, or you don’t, and you don’t watch them. I like the first Phantasm for what it is. It’s nonsensical, but it’s scary. It legitimate feels like a nightmare poured out onto celluloid, something inexplicable but visceral and upsetting. By the time we’ve gotten to this movie, that initial shock has worn off, and since this lacks any coherence, it’s hard to be that excited for it.

It’s fine, but it’s no better than fine. I say this even though Reggie looks a lot like the original model for Sam Raimi’s Ash Williams—and Ash Williams very much seems to have influenced who Reggie became.

Why to watch Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead: In for a penny, in for a pound (of flesh).
Why not to watch: The ending is a clear set up for a sequel that took four years to produce.