Operators are Standing By

Film: 976-EVIL
Format: Streaming video from Tubi TV on Fire!

As someone who came of age in the 80s, there are some elements of culture that don’t really translate to younger generations. Older Millennials will remember some of these specific sensory and cultural touchstones, but for anyone mid-30s and younger, experiences like the smell of purple mimeograph ink, pulling off the strips of tractor feed printer paper are not anything that can be specifically described or understood. They had to be experienced. Part of that was our relationship with phones. Calling collect was its own thing and 976 numbers were the scourge of late-night television. 976-EVIL is a film that is very reflective of that time and because of that, doesn’t really translate to a modern audience.

For those not old enough to remember, 976 numbers were reserved for pay services, most famously used by the Psychic Friends network shilled by Dionne Warwick. These numbers were used for novelty services like kids calling Santa Claus, but also stranger and more prurient services as well. That’s the conceit here—there’s a 976 line that is essentially being operated Satan himself to lure in lost souls. Essentially, people call the number (which is naturally 976-EVIL), get their “horrorscope,” and find that the predictions they get come true. Eventually, though, they have to pay for their sudden good fortune with their lives (insert ominous thundercrack).

We are going to focus on two very different young men. Our main character in most respects is Spike (Patrick O’Bryan), who is a sort of classic movie bad boy—does poorly in school, rides a motorcycle, and is naturally able to pick up girls like Suzie (Lezlie Deane) without much effort. The sympathetic main character is his cousin Hoax (Stephen Geoffreys, best known as Evil Ed in Fright Night). Hoax is everything that Spike is not. He’s awkward, nerdy, and wears an argyle sweater vest. He also has a religious, overbearing mother (Sandy Dennis).

Spike is the first of the two to call the number, and using its advice, he manages to clean up at a poker game run by a couple of fellow high school students. He also comes close to getting killed by a passing car at one point because that’s how Satan collects on the souls of the people he helps. But, since Spike essentially has everything already going for him, he quickly tires of the 976 line and gives up on it.

Hoax, on the other hand, needs all the help he can get, which means that the 976 line becomes very addictive for him, even when a prank goes badly wrong and backfires, killing Suzie. Suddenly, Hoax has essentially the power of Satan at his fingertips, giving him the opportunity to wreak his revenge on all of those who have wronged him. Being weak-willed and in touch with power for the first time, Hoax starts falling down the rabbit hole, with only Spike to try to pull him out. Well, Spike and a cheap journalist (Jim Metzler) for a National Enquirer-style magazine who is in town investigating a rain of fish.

Honestly, 976-EVIL is not a great movie, but no one would’ve expected this to be anything other than exactly what it is—a cheap horror movie from the ‘80s in the vein of any movie that deals with any sort of possession. It’s a slow slide into watching poor, dumb Hoax fall deeper and deeper into evil and with his only support being equally poor, dumb Spike. It’s kind of a tragedy in the traditional sense, although Hoax’s tragic flaw is that essentially, he is kind of weak and stupid.

It genuinely is a sort of Greek tragedy, though. We can see exactly where this is going to go, but once that rollercoaster car climbs to the top of the hill, there’s no stopping it from following the track that it’s on until the ride comes to a complete stop.

If you didn’t grow up when this movie makes sense, there’s a lot of it that simply isn’t going to work. Even if you’re an ‘80s horror movie nerd, if you didn’t live through these years knowing what AquaNet smelled like or calling 1-800-COLLECT, there are going to be parts of this that are entirely opaque.

Why to watch 976-EVIL: There is a particular nostalgia that comes from a film like this.
Why not to watch: It’s very predictable.