What I’ve Caught Up With, March 2026 Part 1
Film: Dial M for Murder (1954)
Hitchcock was always at his best when dealing with people who weren’t necessarily career criminals but had a criminal mindset. Dial M for Murder is that sort of story. A former tennis player (Ray Milland) has evidence of his wife (Grace Kelly) having an affair with an old friend (Robert Cummings). He comes up with a plan to have her killed while giving himself a rock-solid alibi. Everything goes wrong, though—the killer who was to eliminate the wife ends up on the wrong end of a pair of scissors. Despite her innocence, it all looks like she was being blackmailed about the affair and killed her blackmailer. It’s a twisty plot, but it’s second-tier Hitchcock.
Film: Armageddon (1998)
Critic Mark Kermode has said that Michael Bay has “pornographic sensibilities” and nowhere is that more evident than in a film like Armageddon. A giant asteroid is heading for Earth and because we need to make sure that scientists and people with degrees are held in contempt by Bay’s mouth-breathing fans, the only people who can save the planet are guys who work on an oil rig, lead by Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck. The science is ridiculous, akin to movies like 2012 and The Core, but in space. It’s a cast of thousands as well, because that’s what Bay does, but it’s edited by someone on meth and Red Bull. Armageddon is an assault on the senses and the intellect.
Film: The Browning Version (1951)
A teacher named Andrew Crocker-Harris (Michael Redgrave) is forced to leave his boarding school due to illness. He discovers in his last few days that, as a classics teacher, he has become something of a joke. His wife (Jean Kent) is cheating on him with another teacher (Nigel Patrick). He’s not well-liked by the other teachers, and his students consider him a figure of ridicule. As he prepares to leave, one of his students (Brian Smith) offers him a gift that causes his life to come into focus. The Browning Version is based on a stage play and is very much an actor’s film. Michael Redgrave is the focus here, and his Crocker-Harris is one of the purest distillations of quiet desperation ever put on film.
Film: The Last Dragon (1985)
While I remain of the opinion that Kung Pow: Enter the Fist is the funniest send-up of martial arts films, I give a lot of respect to The Last Dragon, which is clearly a comedy, but also wants to take itself a little seriously. A Bruce Lee-obsessed martial artist named Leroy Green (Taimak) looks for a new master and has to fight against a self-styled Kung Fu criminal named Sho’Nuff (Julius Carry) and a crooked producer named Eddie Arkadian (Christopher Murney). There’s also a love interest subplot featuring a musician who Leroy keeps saving. It’s silly and fun, and features a moment where Leroy’s younger brother (Leo O’Brien) pop & locks his way out of being tied up. How can you not have fun with that?
Film: Six-String Samurai (1998)
Sometimes, you come across a movie that is clearly someone’s fever dream. Streets of Fire is a film like that, but even that collection of nuttiness doesn’t compare with Six-String Samurai. Imagine a world where Russia nukes the U.S. in the late ‘50s and the only part of the country that really survives is Vegas, which is ruled over by Elvis as the King of Rock and Roll. But now Elvis is dead and Buddy Holly clone Buddy (Jeffrey Falcon, who also wrote and produced) is headed to Vegas, joined by a feral child (Justin McGuire), and pursued by Death (Stephane Gauger), who is clearly a stand-in for Slash. Buddy is armed only with a tattered umbrella, a katana, and a hollow-body guitar. None of this makes sense, and most of it is disconnected, but this is clearly a labor of love. This is another movie that, had it come out in 1982 and had I seen it then, I would have been obsessed with it.
Film: The Merry Widow (1934)
When I tell you that The Merry Widow is a movie starring Maurice Chevalier and Jeanette MacDonald, directed by Ernst Lubitsch, you already know about 80% of the film. In the flyspeck country of Marchovia, Count Danilo (Chevalier) is commanded by his king (George Barbier) to woo Sonia (MacDonald) because she owns half of the country. Through some mistaken identities, we have a meet cute, some anger, a falling out, and a reuniting, exactly as you expect. The songs are fine (MacDonald’s operatic style is grating) and the story is obvious, but you could do worse. Edward Everett Horton as the Marchovian ambassador to Paris is a standout, as always.
Film: Déjà Vu (2006)
On Fat Tuesday, a “patriot” (Jim Caviezel) detonates a bomb on a ferry in New Orleans. ATF agent Doug Carlin (Denzel Washington) investigates and finds evidence of that bomb. He also learns about a body of a young woman (Paula Patton) recovered after the blast who looks like she died in the explosion…but her time of death was two hours earlier. Doug is soon contacted by FBI agent Paul Pryzwarra (Val Kilmer), who lets him in on a new investigative tool: essentially, they can look into the past, exactly four days and six hours, to catch the perp. But, of course, Carlin wants to save the girl. This is a decent time travel story, even if the ending is kind of guaranteed, and it’s very clearly a Tony Scott film. Good cast of secondary stars—Bruce Greenwood, Eldon Henson, and Adam Goldberg, for instance.
Film: Certain Women (2016)
Certain Women is essentially a collection of three shorts taking place in Montana, based as it is on three short stories of Maile Maloy. In one, a lawyer (Laura Dern) deals with a client who demands she sue on his behalf despite his already taking a small settlement. In the next, a woman (Michelle Williams) deals with her dismissive husband (James LeGros) and equally dismissive daughter (Sara Rodier) as she tries to build a house. In the third story, a ranch worker (Lily Gladstone) forms a tentative relationship with a women (Kristen Stewart) who is teaching a class on law for teachers. This isn’t a film that feels like it has a destination other than just the stories that are happening, and that’s probably enough.
I love Certain Women (which I own on DVD with hopes that it will be upgraded to Blu-Ray), Dial M for Murder, and The Last Dragon. The last of which was a film I grew up on as a kid and it never gets old. I just love the action and humor. It's got a great soundtrack. Plus, young Ernie Reyes Jr. in that club fight scene. They beat up his friend..... OH SHIT! He got mad and that move he did where he flew and did like a Baryshnikov kung fu move. HOLY FUCK! HOW CAN YOU BE AMAZED OVER THAT?
ReplyDeleteDeja Vu is OK but.... Armageddon.... ugh...
I need to get into Jerry Bruckheimer's head to understand how the hell did he have to deal with Don Simpson during their partnership considering Simpson's own reputation for being decadent. I guess when they worked with Michael Bay on Bad Boys and The Rock as they're the only 2 films by Michael Bay that I can tolerate. I think Bruckheimer found himself in the middle of 2 extreme personalities where even Simpson had to restrain Bay in his own excesses as a filmmaker. When Simpson died, Bruckheimer had to deal with Bay himself and the result is this and every other fucking film that Bay has done as they are unwatchable bullshit.
I am convinced that if you kidnap Michael Bay, tie him to a chair where he can't move, and force him to watch Satantango by Bela Tarr. His head will explode over the lack of fast cuts. I wanna be front for that. Plus, I like Bela Tarr. R.I.P. Bela.
There's an old webcomic called Multiplex that (as the name implies) takes place in a theater. In one of the story arcs, the theater crew makes their own movie where essentially zombies attack, and it turns out that the evil mind behind it is Michael Bay. One of the characters wears a "Michael Bay is the devil" shirt in a lot of the comics. You'd enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteWith this half of the catch-up films, The Browning Version and Certain Women were the clear class. Dial M for Murder is good, but it doesn't touch the top-5 Hitchcock. Top-10, probably, or at least possibly.
The Last Dragon is a film that is hard to dislike.
I agree that Dial M for Murder, while a good enough film is second-tier Hitchcock. There is a measured remove to it that makes the viewer feel the distance between them and the characters. Some of that might be because it was first shown in 3-D so there is an isolating factor required by that gimmick. But the biggest drawback is something rare for Hitchcock, miscasting. Ray Milland is properly oily and contemptible, and Grace Kelly is fine in her underwritten role, but they share no chemistry whatsoever. Then there is the Robert Cummings issue. He was very suitable when he worked for Hitchcock in 1942 in “Saboteur”, his everyman blandness fit the wronged man narrative of that film but here ten years later we’re supposed to believe that early 50’s Grace Kelly could find no one better to stray with than this dishwater dull dude? Add into that they also share no discernible onscreen spark. When the best character in the film is John Williams as the police inspector you know there is a problem!
ReplyDeleteI just recently discovered that there was a television remake of this in the mid-60’s with Laurence Harvey, Diane Cilento and Hugh O’Brian taking the three main roles which I’d love to see for comparison. I have to say the casting sounds more spot on than what we have here, unfortunately it’s only accessible from within the BFI.
I liked this version of The Merry Widow, though the silent von Stroheim take remains my favorite. Maurice Chevalier and Jeanette MacDonald have a saucy rapport and when she isn’t singing, they are charming together (this is the part of her career I like her best, when she teamed with Nelson Eddy she became much more rigid). About her singing, she’s talented, I’m just not a fan of her type of operatic soprano. Again, in complete agreement about the ever-delightful Edward Everett Horton as well as the equally wonderful Una Merkel.
The Browning Version is something I should really look at again. I think I might have been too young when I watched it to fully appreciate the nuances of the story, but I do recall that Michael Redgrave gave an impressive performance in the lead.
When Armageddon came out a group of us made the trip to the Uptown Theatre in DC to see it on their 70-foot screen. I had no expectations that it was going to be a good film, but it promised to be a fun spectacle. I was right on both counts.
Déjà Vu was fine but nothing special and having seen it I’ve never had the least desire to return to it.
I know I saw The Last Dragon, but I absolutely have no memory of it.
I’ve never heard of either Certain Women or Six-String Samurai. The second is a no for me but if I ran across the first, I might try it.
I think, based on your tastes, you'd appreciate Certain Women. If nothing else, the cast is top-tier and the stories are interesting. Both Six-String Samurai and The Last Dragon feel like stretches for you. The first is weird; the second is goofy fun, but I think you need to be in the mood for it. You're also right about Déjà Vu. It's fine, but once is enough, and the moment you see the basic outline of the plot develop, the actual path we're going to take is set with no surprises.
ReplyDeleteI'm consistently disappointed in films like Armageddon that make science out to be a game for stupid people, and where the people who genuinely don't know anything are always right. It's a spectacle, but at what cost? Gravity was a spectacle, too, and it was brilliant.
I feel the same about Jeanette MacDonald. She had such solid comic timing and she could be really charming...and then the music starts.
The Browning Version is worth another watch. It's good, and it's a relatable drama in a lot of ways. As for Dial M for Murder, I agree on the miscasting of it.