Ten Days of Terror!: The Children (2008)

Film: The Children (2008)
Format: Streaming video from Tubi TV on Fire!

A lot of horror movies get a lot of traction from murderous little kids. This can range from the camp (Bloody Birthday) to the alien (Village of the Damned) to the demonic (The Omen). Years ago, Bravo ran a special about the 100 scariest moments in horror movies. In the section on The Others, John Landis commented that filmmakers always use British kids to be creepy. Well, we’re going to get murderous British kids in the 2008 version of The Children. I mean, it’s right there in the name.

Naturally, we’re going to be isolated. A group of friends and their kids have gotten together for a New Year’s Eve party in the middle of nowhere. Arriving at the start of the film are Elaine (Eva Birthistle), her husband Jonah (Stephen Campbell Moore), their children Miranda and Paulie (Eva Sayer and William Howes), and Elaine’s teenaged daughter from a previous relationship, Casey (Hannah Tointon). Casey doesn’t want to be there and doesn’t feel connected to anyone there really. She is very clearly set up as our final girl in the opening moments of the film. The people they are visiting are Elaine’s sister Chloe (Rachel Shelley), her husband Robbie (Jeremy Sheffield), and their children Leah and Nicky (Rafiella Brookes and Jake Hathaway).

When the family arrives, Paulie is sick, which is attributed to car sickness. Soon enough all of the young kids (that’s all of them but Casey) start exhibiting signs of sickness. Soon enough, one of the kids freaks out at lunch and then all hell breaks loose. The parents are all in denial until an accident takes out Robbie (see more on this below), and it’s then evident that whatever is going on with the children (it’s hinted to be viral or bacterial at one point) is probably too far gone and all of the adults are now about to be hunted.

The reason that creepy, murderous kids are so effective in films like this one is that no one expects that the kids are going to try to kill the adults. Because of this, all of the adults are going to be essentially sitting ducks. And, because they are dealing with children, they’re going to fight back as minimally as possible most of the time. It opens them up to being slaughtered in terrible ways because kids don’t have a lot of restraints on the way they behave in a lot of cases—they aren’t as aware of what will hurt another person or how much it will hurt another person, and so there’s a lot here that is specifically brutal because of that.

There’s a lot working in favor of The Children, but there’s nothing here that you haven’t seen in similar movies with monstrous children. There’s a great deal of quality gore and perhaps a few surprises based on the specifics of what happens, but nothing unique in terms of what happens in general.

The inciting incident of the children attacking, though, is a real problem. It might well be something that works for people who live in a warmer climate, but for anyone who spent at least part of their childhood in a place with snow, what happens is completely ridiculous. Robbie, outside with the kids, hops on a sled and heads down a hill. One of the kids has set out a garden implement in the path of the sled, though, and Robbie runs into it full force, splitting his head open. Sounds gruesome, and it is.

But it’s also a significant problem. If you’ve ever been on a sled, you know just how easy it would be to avoid what happens. Robbie is looking where he is going. He clearly sees what is in his path. It’s not like he’s strapped to the sled; all he has to do is lean to his right and either steer the sled slightly or fall off. In fact, the idea that he beans the garden tool itself is fascinating—sleds aren’t that accurate.

The Children very much plays like The Crazies, but only affecting kids under about 7. You may think that doesn’t work because The Crazies came out two years after this, but the original version was from the 1970s.

If you’re into the idea of murderous psychotic children and don’t mind some serious gore and animal abuse, The Children will satisfy that particular itch. However, this is not even close to necessary viewing; it’s good, but not great.

Why to watch The Children: Some quality gore.
Why not to watch: You’ve seen one creepy kid movie, you’ve seen ‘em all.