Ten Days of Terror!: Deadly Friend

Film: Deadly Friend
Format: Streaming video from Tubi TV on Fire!

Deadly Friend, tonally, might be the weirdest movie I’ve ever seen. This is very clearly a horror movie, but tuned five degrees to the left, this is a wacky comedy. It appears to want to be Wes Craven’s version of Chopping Mall but it’s much more Wes Craven’s version of Weird Science or Short Circuit. It also contains one of the genuinely funniest and most ridiculous kills I have ever seen. I don’t quite know how to react to any of this.

Deadly Friend starts as a mid-‘80s sci-fi comedy. Paul Conway (Matthew Labyorteaux) and his mother Jeannie (Anne Twomey) have just moved to a new town in part because Paul is an electronic and robotics prodigy. Despite him being a teen, he is in advanced college classes, and he is developing a robot he calls BB (voiced by Charles Fleischer). We’re told that BB is incredibly advanced, and the robot does demonstrate some autonomy, specifically in terms of protecting Paul.

Ten Days of Terror!: The Bay

Film: The Bay
Format: Streaming video from Tubi TV on Fire!

When I hear that something is a “mockumentary,” I tend to think more spoof than anything else. This is Spinal Tap is a mockumentary because it’s funny. Some would call The Bay a mockumentary, except that this is not even remotely close to being funny. I would call it a fictional documentary. This is definitely a found footage film, but it’s found footage disguised as a documentary, so it’s clearly edited and is presented as using that found footage to tell a factual story.

A lot of our time is going to be spent with Donna Thompson (Kether Donohue), who was a reporter in the town of Claridge, MD, reporting on the Fourth of July celebration. Everything seems to be normal until people suddenly start getting violently ill. This includes boils and rashes that eventually prove fatal, because those boils and rashes are caused by isopods that have mutated and grown huge thanks to environmental pollution in the water off the coast. Specifically, the water is the dumping ground for waste from the local chicken farm, and the waste is laced with chemicals and growth hormones.

Ten Days of Terror!: The Flesh and the Fiends

Film: The Flesh and the Fiends
Format: Streaming video from Kanopy on Fire!

Of all the creepy, ghoulish, real-world horrors from the 19th century United Kingdom, two stand out as being the most cinematic. The first is certainly that of Jack the Ripper, who has been the subject of films as far back as the ‘20s. The second is the story of Burke and Hare, two “resurrection men” (graverobbers) of Edinburgh who decided to supplement their income of selling bodies to doctors for dissection by murdering their victims to create those bodies. While body snatching films showed up before 1960, The Flesh and the Fiends appears to be the first film specifically about Burke and Hare, or at least having characters with those names.

In Georgian London, Dr. Knox (Peter Cushing) is a popular lecturer at a medical college, even if he is less well-liked by his colleagues. The biggest problem he faces is one of a lack of suitable bodies for study, a problem that he tends to solve with the aid of graverobbers. The problem there is that most of the bodies he gets are in the ground a good week before he has a chance to use them. He passes on the chore of paying for the bodies to his assistant Mitchell (Dermot Walsh) and a young, desperate, and failing student named Jackson (John Cairney).

Ten Days of Terror!: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

Film: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
Format: Streaming video from Amazon Prime on Fire!

I think the connection between Christmas and horror is about subversion of expectations. Christmas tends to be thought of as more of a happy holiday—we get together with family and friends, we give gifts, and we eat lots of food. The reality, of course, is that Christmas and the holidays are a difficult time of year for a lot of people. But there’s a sense of innocence, even with the reality that suicides increase during the holidays. So, something evil happening feels right in a lot of ways, both in terms of being shocking from what we expect, and also because it kind of is what we expect. And that’s going to bring us to Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (or, just Rare Exports if you prefer).

As the film starts, we find ourselves in the Lapland part of Finland. An American/British research team is drilling at the top of a large mountain, which is assumed to be an ancient burial mound. All of this is observed by Juuso (Ilmari Järvenpää) and Pietari (Onni Tommila). Pietari is convinced that Santa Claus is real and punishes bad children, something that Juuso finds ridiculous. All of this happens just as the company starts using explosives to excavate the mound.

Ten Days of Terror!: Silent Night, Deadly Night

Film: Silent Night, Deadly Night
Format: Streaming video from Amazon Prime on Fire!

The more I think about it, the more the idea of holiday-themed horror movies makes sense to me. I don’t mean those movies that are built around a holiday (New Year’s Evil, Halloween, My Bloody Valentine, etc.) but ones that are specifically about the Christmas season. Like it or not, horror is often about the subverting of innocence. It’s why movies with evil children are so effective. Christmas is a holiday of joy and childlike wonder. What could be more evil than ruining that? And so, we get a movie like Silent Night, Deadly Night. This is not just a slasher that takes place around Christmas, but one that dresses up our murderer like Santa Claus himself.

And really, that’s the selling point here. There are a number of horror and slasher films that play on the idea of an evil Santa, but none are more infamous than Silent Night, Deadly Night. It is an extremely transgressive film in that respect, even if the main plot takes about half the movie to get going. We’re going to get some nudity and violence right away, a building of trauma, and then our slasher goes hog wild while dressed as Saint Nick.

Ten Days of Terror!: Better Watch Out

Film: Better Watch Out
Format: Streaming video from NetFlix on Fire!

I have to make some real decisions with Better Watch Out when it comes to what I want to actually write about. This is a movie that very much trades on having a shock moment. More than that, the shock moment is one that appears about a third of the way into the movie, which (in my mind), is the right place to put the twist. Put the shock at the end, and often it will work and the audience will love it, and might even watch again to see any clues. But, frequently, this means there won’t be anything for the audience after that second watch. Put the twist early, though, and while the movie turns on it, the conclusion doesn’t, and the movie is a lot more rewatchable.

What this means is, like it or not, I have to make a choice. I can either talk about 25 minutes or so of the film or I can put most of this review under a spoiler tag. The thing of it is is that there’s a lot here I want to talk about, so I’m going with option 2. I’m going to talk about this whole movie, spoilers and all. You should consider everything after this paragraph to be potentially in spoiler territory, although the real spoilers probably won’t show up for a bit. You’ve been warned, and you proceed at your own peril.

Ten Days of Terror!: Krampus

Film: Krampus
Format: Streaming video from AMC+ on Fire!

Halloween is the holiday most clearly associated with horror, but there’s a definite connection between holidays and horror in general. Aside from Halloween, no holiday connects to the terrifying as readily or as often as Christmas. That being the case, it seems surprising that it took until 2015 for someone to come up with the idea of Krampus. The ancient Krampus mythology is both clearly horror-connected and Christmas-themed. In a world of Santa’s Slay and Christmas Evil and Silent Night Deadly Night, a Krampus story seems like low-hanging fruit.

The Krampus legend is of a dark Santa Claus who punishes naughty children in December. According to folklore, Krampus shows up on December 5 and beats bad children with switches and sometimes kidnaps the more poorly-behaved kids. His appearance is demonic—horns, cloven hooves, and chains. As a pagan creation, more than a little of the creature has been incorporated into Christian folklore as Satan. Regardless, a giant Christmas monster is a natural choice for a horror movie.