IHQC

Film: In a Violent Nature
Format: Streaming video from Amazon Prime on Fire!

I’ve been thinking about the idea of a Myers-Briggs categorization for slasher killers. Right now, my thinking is Mortal/Immortal (M/I), Huge/Small (H/S), Quiet/Talkative (Q/T) and Covered/Uncovered (C/U, and this means basically masked or unmasked, but the “M” was already taken). So, Jason Vorhees would be IHQC—he’s immortal, huge, doesn’t talk, and has his face covered. Freddy Kruger would be ISTU—he’s also immortal, but normal sized, spits out one-liners, and doesn’t wear a mask. Leatherface is MHQC; Chucky is ISTU, and on and on. Johnny, our killer from last year’s In a Violent Nature, would be another in that classic vein—IHQC. Johnny can’t be stopped, is gigantic, never talks, and despite being unmasked initially, hunts down a mask after his first couple of kills.

Just like you can give the killer a type, you can also rank slasher movies in a variety of ways. You can look at the killer’s origin story, the number of kills, the style/gruesomeness of kills, the quality of the mask, etc. Leslie Vernon from Behind the Mask has solid kills and a great mask, but a weird origin. Freddy’s origin is horrifying, but he has panache and a fantastic signature weapon. Johnny, once again, is going to go for the classic. Johnny was a developmentally-delayed child who lived with his father at a logging camp. A bit of a pest to the other workers, he was tricked into climbing a fire tower, where someone waited at the top to scare him. Johnny fell off the tower to his death, and then his father was killed in the resulting brawl.

Everyone Needs a Helping Hand

Film: Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person (Vampire humaniste cherche suicidaire consentant)
Format: Streaming video from Kanopy on Fire!

Sometimes, the title of a movie tells you everything you need to know about the plot. Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person (or Vampire humaniste cherche suicidaire consentant is one such film. There’s not going to be a lot of surprises here in terms of who the main character is or who the main character is going to find. This is a story of a vampire who doesn’t want to kill anyone, and figures that it would be better to find someone who wants to die. Honestly, it takes a page out of the movie Byzantium, but it’s a good page to crib notes from.

Sasha (Lilas-Rose Cantin as a child, then Sara Montpetit for most of the film) is traumatized when her vampire family kills and drains the blood from a clown hired to perform at her birthday party. Because of this, she decides she doesn’t want to kill. Because of this, her fangs never come in, and she survives because her mother (Sophie Cadieux) and father (Steve Laplante) hunt for her, providing her with bags of blood for her to drink. Sasha is something of a scandal in the family, of course, since everyone else in the family is clearly a predator. To solve her problem, she is sent to live with Denise (Noémie O’Farrell), her cousin.

Salo Lite

Film: In a Glass Cage (Tras en cristal)
Format: Streaming video from Tubi TV on Fire!

There are times when I know I’m going to get hurt by the movie that I am watching. Sometimes, this is an experience that, as rough as it is, is something that is worth doing. Come and See is a film like that. I don’t want to watch it again, but I’m happy I watched it. Sometimes, I’m there to tick a box, as was the case with Salo, a film that scarred me enough that I remember pretty much everything about that viewing. Rarely, I get something like In a Glass Cage (Tras en cristal, a film that is unpleasant in terms of topic and characters, but felt as middle of the road as any film I’ve seen in some time in terms of quality.

There are some connections that In a Glass Cage has with other media. I’d be shocked if you told me that the film’s writer/director wasn’t familiar with the Stephen King novella Apt Pupil. While the stories aren’t identical, they are certainly similar in a lot of respects. There’s also a great deal of Salo in this movie, oddly. There’s nothing as overtly disgusting as the coprophagia scenes in that movie, but the destructive, awful hedonism is certainly in both films. It took me a bit to make that connection, but it’s definitely there.

The Wedding Shamble

Film: [REC]³: Genesis
Format: Streaming video from Tubi TV on Fire!

Rules, the say goes, are meant to be broken. There is some truth to this idea in the sense that breaking rules is how we get presented with stories that surprise us. The truth is that you need to be able to understand and use the rules to know how to break them correctly. This is true in grammar, in storytelling, and in movie making as well as just about everywhere else. [REC]³: Genesis breaks a huge rule of its genre, does it for no good reason, and ultimately suffers because of it. There’s no getting around the fact that this movie breaks faith with the audience.

To talk about [REC]³, we’re going to need to dive back a little into the previous films. The main thing that needs to be remembered is that we are dealing with something that is a great deal like a zombie virus in the sense that it apparently brings back people from the dead who immediately start trying to bite other people. The other thing we’re going to need to remember from the original films is that the virus in question is essentially a viral version of a demonic possession. This will become extremely important in the plot as we proceed.

Hungry Like the...

Film: The Wolf Man (2025)
Format: DVD from DeKalb Public Library on basement television.

Aside from the studio execs at Universal, there are few people who want the Dark Universe project to succeed more than I do. I love the classic Universal monsters, and have watched most of the movies and sequels, and I even have some affection for the terrible movies in the sequences. Universal has had several abortive attempts to reboot the monsters. The current attempt is five movies in. I’ve now seen four of them, since I just watched The Wolf Man from this year.

This was kind of a make-or-break for me in a sense. The Tom Cruise version of The Mummy is absolute hot garbage. The rebooted The Invisible Man is as good as the Tom Cruise movie is bad (and that’s saying a lot). Abigail isn’t a great movie, but it’s a fun one, and that counts for something. I still haven’t seen Renfield. So, the Dark Universe is (for me so far) one clear win, one sort of win, and one absolute thrashing. The Wolf Man, then, would give me either a net-good or net-negative for the entire franchise at the moment.

What I've Caught Up With, March 2025

We lost Mom on the 21st. Not a shock that I didn’t watch a lot this month, as most of it was spent dealing with her decline. As such, a lot of the movies I did watch were more of the comfort variety. I didn’t feel a need to be challenged. I did discover, though, that my Max subscription comes with access to TCM movies, and in March, the artist of the month was my classic movie girlfriend Barbara Stanwyck. So that I spent a lot of time there.

Television-wise, I watched the short Creature Commandos season, and it was fun. I also finished Boardwalk Empire, which is a dandy companion piece to Peaky Blinders. I also finished Bojack Horseman, which was surprisingly deep for a show with so many pop culture references. It does need to be said, though, that I took a break from the show for a bit, and when I came back to it, the first episode I watched was the one where our title character gives a 25-minute eulogy for his mother. Gotta love a coincidence.

Honey, I'm Home

Film: The Return
Format: DVD from DeKalb Public Library on basement television.

There’s almost always some value in looking at the true classics when it comes to making a story. There are a number of ways you can do this, of course. You can adapt a classic story into a new setting (like The Lion King is animated Hamlet) or you can play it straight (like Olivier’s Hamlet is Hamlet). With big, sweeping stories, a miniseries is more in keeping unless you go for a complete reimagining, like the Coens did with O Brother, Where Art Thou? You can also just do a piece of the story. That’s the case with The Return, a film that concerns itself with the end section of The Odyssey, the moment when Odysseus comes home after 20 years.

It's always been one of the weirder parts of the story. In the original Homeric epic, Odysseus and the Greeks have spent 10 years fighting the Battle of Troy. Odysseus comes up with the Trojan Horse ploy and ends the war and he and his men sail home to Ithaca, but because he angered Poseidon, his return took another 10 years. Naturally, Odysseus is presumed dead, and so a number of suitors arrive to Ithaca in the hopes of winning the hand of Penelope, Odysseus’ presumed widow. She delays them through various methods waiting for her husband’s return and seemingly oblivious to the abuse that the suitors are piling on her son, Telemachus.