Format: Internet video on Fire!
Like any genre, horror movies have evolved over time. One of the ways in which they have evolved is in how the protagonists encounter and deal with the danger. These days, most of our protagonists are pulled into something through accident, bad luck, or a poor but understandable decision. We don’t fault the couple in The Strangers for being home, for instance. Early horror films, though, especially those of the 1970s and ‘80s, feature teens who make really stupid decisions and essentially set themselves up as a buffet for the killer. Such is the case with 1981’s The Funhouse, a film where it genuinely feels like our endangered teens don’t really deserve to remain in the gene pool.
As the name of this film implies, we’re going to be spending some time with a carnival, and a lot of that time is clearly going to be spent in the carnival’s funhouse. This is because of a monumentally stupid decision made by our endangered teens, one of whom is the cause of all o the problems that happen to them. Seriously, if you have a friend like this guy, you should rethink the relationship.
We’re going to start with Joey Harper (Shawn Carson), who is about 10 and spends the opening moments of the film dressing up in a costume and taking pictures of his sister in the shower, so we know we’re in for a wholesome, good time. That sister is Amy (Elizabeth Berridge, best known for marrying Mozart in Amadeus), who has a date that evening with Buzz (Cooper Huckabee). Amy’s parents disapprove of the fact that they he is picking her up at 9:00 and that he won’t come in to the house. Her father also warns her not to go to the carnival that has shown up, since that carnival is the same one where the bodies of a couple of girls were discovered the year before.
So, of course, they’re going to go to the carnival along with their friends Liz (Largo Woodruff) and Richie (Miles Chapin). Along the way, they’re going to smoke some pot in the car (and more at the carnival), and they are going to see some of the sights on the midway, like the freakshow, a magic show (featuring a bored William Finley), and the hootchie-cootchie tent. Eventually, though, they’re going to spot the funhouse, and Richie is going to have the brilliant idea of spending the entire night in the funhouse, essentially hanging out after the carnival has closed down. This is despite the fact that, y’know, bodies were discovered at this carnival the year before. Good going, Richie.
So they stay, and they witness the guy who runs the carts at the funhouse (Wayne Doba), who wears a Frankenstein’s Monster mask, attempting to pay for sex with the carnival’s fortune teller, Madame Zena (Sylvia Miles!). Our carny operator has a bit of trouble with hanging on long enough for this to be worth the money, and in frustration, he kills her, something that our four kids witness. Now needing to get out, they make sure that she’s dead (she is), and Richie, unbeknownst to everyone else, steals all of the money from the cash box. Again, good going, Richie.
The big shock moment comes when the carnival barker (Kevin Conway) shows up and takes off the guy’s mask and we discover that he is hideously deformed—it’s the best moment of the film. Shocked, our teens, who are right above the room where this confrontation is happening, recoil from our monster and Richie drops his lighter, alerting the barker and the monster to their presence. For the third time, good going, Richie. Seriously, all of the bad choices were his.
What remains is a cat and mouse game with the creature and the carnival barker hunting the kids through the funhouse until the end. It’s also worth noting that at one point, Joey sneaks out of the house to go to the carnival as well. He is eventually caught after the show closes by the carnival workers and sent home. He does get a good glimpse of the creature, but otherwise, Joey appears to be in the film literally only to pad the length.
The Funhouse really wants to be a solid monster movie/slasher film, but it fails in a few important areas. First, there aren’t a whole lot of kills in this, and most of them happen off screen. Second, the entire Joey subplot is entirely unnecessary—there’s no reason for Joey to be in this at all, save to give us a 3-second shot of Elizabeth Berridge’s chest in the opening. This is a film that doesn’t work unless everyone in it is really stupid, and that’s a shame because a 48-hour rewrite makes this a lot more interesting by giving us compelling characters who aren’t likely to walk face-first into a meat grinder.
And ultimately, that’s where we fall with this. It’s a film that only works in its own little microcosm. No one really acts like a real person in it—they act like film characters, and the whole thing exists solely as a way to elicit a few cheap scares.
Why to watch The Funhouse: Great creature design.
Why not to watch: Those kids have the survival instincts of lemmings.
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