Actually, They Were Normal Length

Film: Longlegs
Format: DVD from Sycamore Public Library on basement television.

A friend of mine saw Longlegs in the theater, and when I asked her about it, she told me she had to see it again. Essentially, she said that she and her group had an edible and then sat in the front row of the theater, which made the whole thing something of a surreal experience, and she’s not sure how much of what she watched is actually accurate to the film. Well, for what it’s worth, I watched Longlegs stone cold sober, and I’m not sure what to make of it, either, something that she found very comforting when I told her.

Longlegs is, to this point, the latest film from Osgood Perkins, although his next film comes out in a couple of weeks. It’s also, as of now, his best-reviewed film. Perkins makes unusual movies, and this certainly fits that pattern. This is a serial killer movie, but it’s also a supernatural horror movie, and through most of it, it’s almost impossible to know what is going to happen next.

Oscar Got It Wrong!: Best Director 2023

The Contenders:

Justine Triet: Anatomy of a Fall
Martin Scorsese: Killers of the Flower Moon
Christopher Nolan: Oppenheimer (winner)
Yorgos Lanthimos: Poor Things
Jonathan Glazer: The Zone of Interest

Mother Superior Jumped the Gun

Film: Ms .45
Format: Streaming video from Plex on Fire!

I like a good exploitation film, which is why I tend to be at least mildly fascinated by the work of Abel Ferrara. Ferrara seems like a director who has genuine talent behind the camera, but has B-movie sensibilities. Moives like The Driller Killer are a good example of this. It seems strange to say this, but Ms .45 might actually be even more of an exploitation film. There’s not a great deal going on here beyond finding an excuse for murder. I wouldn’t normally call this a horror movie, but it’s on the They Shoot Zombies list, so here we are.

Because there’s not a great deal of plot here, I’m going to keep it pretty simple. Thana (Zoë Lund acting under the name Zoë Tamerlis) is a mute seamstress working the Garment District in New York. One day, walking home from work, she is sexually assaulted in an alley. When she gets home, her apartment is invaded by a burglar who also sexually assaults her. During this attack, she grabs a heavy glass object off her table and smacks the guy across the temple, then beats him to death with an iron and drags him into her bathtub. The next day at work, her boss Albert (Albert Sinkys) rips the blouse off a mannequin, which sends Thana into a sort of fugue state.

What I've Caught Up With, January 2025 Part 2

I got through a lot of television in January. I've finished the Mike Flanagan NetFlix shows by watching The Midnight Club, which should certainly have gotten a second season (and certainly could have). I also finished Parks and Recreation and Peaky Blinders, both of which I was close to finishing when January started. I got through the three current seasons of The Lincoln Lawyer, and I'm looking forward to the fourth season, and also finished Doom Patrol. I'm currently through the first season of The Righteous Gemstones, and my new workout show (which will go through April) is Battlestar Galactica.

What I've Caught Up With, January 2025 Part 1

My goal every year is to watch 400 movies--not necessarily new movies, but movies in general. A secondary goal is that I'd prefer 80% or so of those movies to be new. To be on pace, that's a movie per day, plus three movies per month. I'm not starting out perfectly in this case, since I watched only 32 in January. I did take a lot of movies off the giant list, though, a number of them being from 2024 and thus getting full reviews. So, while today and tomorrow will look a bit shorter than usual, I actually removed a bunch from that giant black hole of things I need to watch.

Oscar Got It Wrong!: Best Actor 2023

The Contenders:

Jeffery Wright: American Fiction
Paul Giamatti: The Holdovers
Bradley Cooper: Maestro
Cillian Murphy: Oppenheimer (winner)
Colman Domingo: Rustin

Family Ties

Film: A Real Pain
Format: Streaming video from Hulu Plus on Fire!

I’ve decided to be a little more proactive on watching Oscar films (and 2024 films in general) this year, so I figured diving head-first into A Real Pain would be a good place to start. I tend to like Kieran Culkin and Jesse Eisenberg. A running joke I have is that the easiest way to tell the difference between Jesse Eisenberg and Michael Cera is to remember that Eisenberg is the one with talent. A Real Pain is evidence of this, even if you haven’t liked his previous work; in addition to starring in it, he also wrote and directed it.

The film tells the story of David (Eisenberg) and Benji (Culkin), a pair of cousins born less than a month apart. David is a fairly normal, responsible person with a wife and child, and a job selling advertising banners online. He is very concerned with appearance, and with being on time for things, correct and not causing a scene. Benji is the complete opposite, someone with strong ideas and opinions, but who is otherwise aimless. They are wildly different, and have decided to take a trip together to Poland to visit their heritage, the house where their grandmother grew up, and the concentration camp that she survived.

Return to Form

Film: Alien: Romulus
Format: Streaming video from Disney Plus on various players.

In the world of science fiction, there are few film franchises that are more storied than the Alien franchise. The reality, though, is that this is based almost entirely on the first two movies, Alien and Aliens. Those two movies are extremely highly rated, and with good reason. The other films in the series have been okay (Prometheus, Alien: Covenant), disappointing (Alien³, Alien Resurrection), or actively dumb (both Alien vs. Predator movies). Despite this, I always go into each film in the franchise with expectations. And so it was with Alien: Romulus.

I’m glad I did, because this is a real return to form for the franchise. I didn’t realize it until I watched this, but what has been lacking from the Alien films in general since 1986 is fear. The first two movies have genuine terror moments in them, and since that time, the franchise has relied more on jump scares and horror moments that simply don’t work. Alien: Romulus is scary, and that’s what I’ve been looking for.

Oscar Got It Wrong!: Best Actress 2023

The Contenders:

Sandra Hüller: Anatomy of a Fall
Lily Gladstone: Killers of the Flower Moon
Carey Mulligan: Maestro
Annette Bening: Nyad
Emma Stone: Poor Things (winner)

If Only, If Only

Film: David Byrne’s American Utopia
Format: Streaming video from HBO Max on Fire!

Ask people who watch a lot of concert movies and you’ll hear over and over that the single best concert film in history is Stop Making Sense, the Jonathan Demme-helmed film of the Talking Heads tour at the end of 1983. Honestly, it’s not a huge shock to me that what is probably the second-best concert film in history is another David Byrne project, this time produced and directed by Spike Lee. David Byrne’s American Utopia captures the same sort of lightning in a bottle, showing a display of music, dance, and art from front to back, covering Byrne’s Broadway show of several years ago, and nothing more (with a few minor exceptions).

It is very much like Stop Making Sense. What was unique about Demme’s film, or at least very different from a lot of musical documentaries and films is that there was nothing behind the scenes. It was just the concert, one song leading into the next, the band and the instruments coming out one by one as the show progressed and screens drop down so that images could be projected on them. American Utopia is even more stripped down. This is literally just the show, filmed from start to finish. The genius of the show, and the genius of the film is that it doesn’t need to be anything more than this.

Good for Her!

Film: Blink Twice
Format: DVD from DeKalb Public Library on basement television.

There’s a sub-genre of movies, typically horror and thriller movies, that are colloquially called “good for her” movies. Essentially, a good for her movie is one where a female main character faces significant adversity and ends up successfully getting what she wants, more or less, by the end. Well-known and popular examples of the sub-genre include Midsommar, Swallow, Ready or Not, Jennifer’s Body, and You’re Next. Blink Twice is a clear addition to that list, a film where women are put in terrible danger and fight their way through.

We’re going to start out with some background information about a man named Slater King (Channing Tatum), a tech billionaire who has stepped down as CEO of his company for some unspecified problematic behavior. While it’s not really discussed, the implication is some sexual impropriety; basically, he got me-too'd. While not CEO any more, King is still involved in his company, and we’re going to spend some time at a party where he encounters Frida (Naomi Ackie), a cocktail waitress, and our main character.

Psycho Killer

Film: Strange Darling
Format: DVD from DeKalb Public Library on basement television.

There are a few films on my various lists that I will probably never watch. This blog, at least in part, is about going places I might not have otherwise gone in my viewing, but there are still a few places I don’t want to go. Egregious torture and abuse are difficult topics for me, not because of any past history, but because I find it unpleasant. I’ve never been a torture porn fan. Strange Darling rules close to that line in places. This is an ugly film in a lot of ways, even if it is narratively interesting.

One of the reasons that Strange Darling works is that it’s told out of order. Each part of the film is preceded with an episode number, and aside from the epilogue, these are told entirely out of order. It’s an order that reveals information in very specific ways, giving us just enough information to follow the story while revealing just enough to keep us wondering what will happen next.

What Some People Won't Do for a Slice

Film: A Quiet Place: Day One
Format: DVD from Sycamore Public Library on basement television.

When A Quiet Place came out a few years ago, I thought it was a really interesting take on a basic horror story. It’s not the main plot that is different, but the details. Having creatures that hunt entirely by sound created a different sort of danger. Any movie that pits humans as essentially prey animals will have its tropes; focusing them differently makes for a different experience. The sequel was decent as well and built on the lore. Naturally, I was curious about what the prequel, A Quiet Place: Day One was going to add to the lore of these alien invaders.

The sad truth is that, aside from getting a few really good looks at the creatures, we’re not actually going to get a great deal. A Quiet Place: Day One is a pretty standard monster movie in a lot of respects. There’s a huge amount of destruction, lots of people get killed, and we follow the survival attempts of a few people hoping to make it through alive. Since this is a prequel, we’re going to know some things about the invading creatures that the characters won’t. We know that they hunt by sound, for instance, which is something we’re going to have to see our characters discover. Because of that, even the joy of discovery of the particulars of the creatures is denied us.

Oscar Got It Wrong!: Best Adapted Screenplay 2023

The Contenders:

American Fiction (winner)
Barbie
Oppenheimer
Poor Things
The Zone of Interest

Feathers McGraw

Film: Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl
Format: Streaming video from NetFlix on Fire!

I love Wallace & Gromit, and I have for years. I was first introduced to them by a friend who gave us a VHS of the short The Wrong Trousers more than 25 years ago, and I’ve been a fan ever since. There’s a lot of good animation out there, and a lot of good stop-motion, but Aardman is the king of stop-motion work. It’s been too long since we’ve had a new W&G film. Curse of the Wererabbit is from 2005 and the short A Matter of Loaf and Death came out in 2008. It’s been 16 years since Wallace & Gromit have been in a new adventure, so when I learned about Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl, it moved to the top of the list quickly.

This is a film where it genuinely helps to have some knowledge of the Wallace & Gromit canon. The second W&G short, The Wrong Trousers, which is the highpoint in my opinion, is going to be important as backstory. If you haven’t seen it, the 30 minutes it takes to watch is highly recommended; you can find it on Prime as well as free on DailyMotion, and in terms of plotting, animation, and story, you’re not going to find much that beats it.

Cross Country

Film: Will and Harper
Format: Streaming video from NetFlix on rockin’ flatscreen.

Most people, I think, have a fairly strong opinion about Will Ferrell. I don’t actually. When Ferrell has good material and is reined in by a strong director, he’s a very capable actor. He can pull off drama and he has the capacity to be incredibly funny. I think television was much more his medium; his movies often feel hit-or-miss to me. Will and Harper is very much a different sort of film, though, and when I heard about it, I knew I’d be watching it.

If you’re not familiar with the concept of this one, it’s pretty simple. Former Saturday Night Live head writer Andrew Steele decided late in life, after having kids and ultimately getting divorced, that he would be more comfortable living as a woman, and began transitioning. This was something that she sprung on people with an email. Her close friend Will Ferrell decided that the two of them should take a road trip across the country, going to places where Andrew had been before but would now be approaching as the newly-named Harper Steele for the first time.

Oscar Got It Wrong!: Best Original Screenplay 2023

The Contenders:

Anatomy of a Fall (winner)
The Holdovers
Maestro
May December
Past Lives

Get a Gift Receipt

Film: Oddity
Format: DVD from Sycamore Public Library on basement television.

I frequently do full reviews on newer horror movies with the thought that it is possible that they will appear on future versions of the They Shoot Zombies list. This is especially true when the films are highly acclaimed, by critics, audiences, or both. I’m pretty confident that Oddity will show up in a year or two; the list tends to drag a few years behind release dates.

Oddity is a film that is going to attract a very particular type of horror fan. Gorehounds are going to find it dull and slow, and if your interest is in blood and severed limbs, there isn’t going to be a lot for you here. Oddity spends about the first two-thirds of its running time building up an atmosphere. Some of that is what you expect—it's going to be the sort of dread and sense of danger that we tend to get from the average horror movie. There’s also a very distinct sense of menace coming from one character, but that’s what the actual review is for, right?

Monsterpiece Theater

Film: Godzilla Minus One (Gojira -1.0)
Format: DVD from Sycamore Public Library on basement television.

I’m not really a kaiju guy. I don’t actively hate them the way I hate televangelists or people who leave their shopping carts in the middle of a parking space, but I don’t generally go out of my way to watch giant monster movies. It’s not quite a “when you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all” thing, but it’s in that ballpark. Godzilla Minus One (or Gojira -1.0 if you prefer) got a lot of acclaim, though, and also won the big lizard his first Oscar, so it was hard to resist.

My ambivalence to kaiju is almost certainly related in part to early Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes, which were rife with Gamera movies. Sure, it’s fun to watch a giant turtle fly through space and attack another dude in a rubber suit, but there are a bunch of them right in a row, and it gets tedious. These movies also went through a strange evolution. Godzilla, Gamera, and the rest started as giant beasts created by radiation or pollution taking out their rage on the Japanese countryside. Over time, though, they became the heroes, fighting monsters worse than they were, causing destruction like superheroes. The buildings still got knocked down, but our hero kaiju were doing it to defend Japan rather than destroy it.

What I've Caught Up With, December 2024 Part 2

I managed to do something unpleasant to my knee a few weeks back, which means I wasn’t able to do anything in the gym for a few weeks. I had to give up on Peaky Blinders as my workout show, so instead of finishing it at the end of the year as planned, I’m only about halfway through. I did watch a few shows, though, getting through both seasons of Altered Carbon, finishing Killing Eve, and watching Death and Other Details. This really wanted to be a variation of the Benoit Blanc movies and really wasn’t. I also watched Exploding Kittens on NetFlix. You can (and should) get through it in an afternoon. I’m in the middle of the sixth season of Parks and Rec, and have also started Doom Patrol, which is the right kind of weird.

What I've Caught Up With, December 2024 Part 1

So I finished the year with 366 movies watched. Of those, about 285 or so were new to me, with the rest being rewatches. On the They Shoot Zombies list as it currently stands, there are 205 I haven’t written reviews for, and ten or so more than that that haven’t been posted and I have in reserve or for Halloween. The big list of movies that have been recommended to me dropped under 1000 briefly, but with 2024 to not catch up on, it’s ballooned back up. Feel free to recommend anything from 2024 that is worth watching.

Oscar Got It Wrong!: Best Animated Feature 2023

The Contenders:

The Boy and the Heron (winner)
Elemental
Nimona
Robot Dreams
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Sacre Blech!

Film: An American Werewolf in Paris
Format: Streaming video from Peacock on Fire!

Sometimes, when someone drops a sequel years after the original movie, it turns out decently. Sometimes, you get An American Werewolf in Paris. This is a movie that very clearly wants to capitalize on the vastly superior first film that is more than a decade and a half older. Honestly, it feels like a cheat. If you’ve seen An American Werewolf in London, you’re likely to go into this with expectations. Those expectations are not going to be met. This is equally true if you thought it was instead a riff on An American in Paris.

In terms of the set-up, you don’t really need more than the title of the film and the knowledge of the London version. This time, there’s a trio of Americans, and this time, they’re not walking across the moors but instead find themselves in the City of Lights. Andy (Tom Everett Scott), Brad (Vince Vieluf), and Chris (Phil Buckman) are touring Europe and attempting extreme thrills. Andy, who we are going to be following here, is behind on points, but plans on upping his total by (sigh) bungee jumping off the Eiffel Tower, because that’s something that you won’t get caught doing.