Airbnb Has Gone Downhill

Film: The Haunting (1999)
Format: Streaming video from Amazon Prime on Fire!

From a creative perspective, I fully understand the desire for someone to want to remake a story that they like and know well. Over and over, though, great films are frequently remade badly. Consider, for instance how few American remakes of Japanese horror movies are actually worth watching. The Ring, surely, possibly The Grudge, and maybe a few others, but most of them are trash. There’s a reason that every now and then, a meme will surface about remaking terrible movies with good plots to give them another chance. Sadly, with the 1999 remake of The Haunting, we’re instead getting a shabby retelling of a classic story.

Unfortunately for this film, it’s competing against two masterpieces. The original filmed version of Shirley Jackson’s The Haunting of Hill House is an amazing horror film, terrifying in places and surprising because it is rated G. Today, this is also competing with the made-for-NetFlix miniseries that is arguably the best horror-themed short-form series ever made, and at least in the conversation. I’m not going to bury the lede—in comparison, this is a cheap knock-off.

Change, Changing Places

Film: You Are Not My Mother
Format: Streaming video from Hoopla on Fire!

There is a long tradition of the changeling child in folklore. A young child suddenly “changes,” and it’s attributed to the actual child being spirited away by the fae or by some other supernatural creature and replaced with something that looks like the child but is clearly different. It’s actually pretty good evidence that there were autistic people a thousand years ago. It’s also a particular trope in folklore that has been sadly underused in movies. The closest we have is something like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which is the alien invasion version of a changeling story. You Are Not My Mother is a film that dives head-first into the idea of a changeling child, and does so with good effect.

The film opens with us watching Rita Delaney (Ingrid Craigie) taking her infant granddaughter to the forest and placing the baby on the ground. She lights a ring of fire around the baby, and the film cuts just as we start to hear the baby crying. I promise, despite what it looks like, the baby is not lit on fire.

In Russia, Victim Murders You

Film: Botched
Format: Streaming video from Tubi TV on Fire!

A lot of horror movies have given us protagonists who are criminals, either intentionally or forced to be so as the premise. Crime movies are a pretty easy sell in general, as are horror movies, so it makes sense to combine them. The entire premise of a crime/horror movie is that the criminals end up trying to commit a crime in a place that is cursed or haunted or against someone who is worse than they are. From The People Under the Stairs to this year’s Abigail, a criminal plot is an easy transition to horror. And so we have Botched.

Richie (Stephen Dorff) is a thief working for Mr. Groznyi (Sean Pertwee), a Russian mob boss. Richie works for him because Groznyi smuggled Richie into the U.S. years before, which means that Richie is in his debt. The film opens with a diamond heist that goes well until a freak car accident followed by another one causes Richie to lose the diamonds. Now, with nothing to show for his work, Richie needs to pull off a new heist to repay his boss.

What I've Caught Up With, September 2024 Part 2

On the television front, I finished White Collar near the end of September, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm hopeful that the rumors of a White Collar reboot are true, and that as many of the original cast will return. I also finished Arrested Development, and let me tell you, the last season or two is a slog to get through. I also watched His Dark Materials, which I liked pretty well. Finishing White Collar opened up a spot for new workout show, which I filled temporarily with the Korean zombie series All of Us are Dead, but I finished that on Friday, so once again, I need a new workout show.

What I've Caught Up With, September 2024 Part 1

I spent more than a week sitting on my daughter's couch, grading papers and watching her dog while she and her fiancé were at a destination wedding. That being the case, despite it being finals week for me, I actually watched a few more movies than normal for that part of the month. There was a lot of good in September, and while there were a couple that I ended up not being too fond of, there were several that I enjoyed quite a bit, and may well end up in the regular rotation. More tomorrow.

Want to Know How I Got These Scars?

Film: The Man Who Laughs
Format: Streaming video from Tubi TV on Fire!

There are a few truly iconic comic book characters. One of those is Bat-Man. Of the Caped Crusader’s vast and colorful rogue’s gallery, his most infamous and deadly opponent is the Joker. Anyone with even a little knowledge of comic book history can tell you that the Joker was based, at least visually, on Gwynplaine, the hero of The Man Who Laughs, a novel by Victor Hugo and one of the most influential silent films ever made.

In the late 18th century, near the end of the reign of King James II (Sam DeGrasse), the king is informed by his evil jester Barkliphedro (Brandon Hurst) about the capture of Lord Clancharlie (Conrad Veidt), who refused to kiss his ring. Clancharlie has returned for his son, and is informed that his son has been given to Hardquanonne (George Siegmann), who has carved a permanent smile on the boy’s face. Clancharlie is executed, and to get rid of the boy, the king orders all of the “Comprachios,” people of folklore who cripple children as a way to create circus performers, ordered out of England. They leave, but the boy, Gwynplaine (Julius Molnar as a child, then Conrad Veidt as an adult), is left behind.

The Title is the Best Part

Film: The Blood-Spattered Bride (La novia ensangrentada)
Format: Streaming video from Tubi TV on Fire!

One of these days, I need to finish the Karnstein Trilogy from Hammer Studios. I’ve seen the first two movies, The Vampire Lovers and Lust for a Vampire, but I’ve yet to finish the story. I was reminded of this when I watched The Blood-Spattered Bride (or La novia ensangrentada) today. It didn’t specifically feel like the same story until, in an old family estate, our characters find a portrait of a woman named Mircalla Karnestein.

The reason for this is that both the Karnstein Trilogy and The Blood-Spattered Bride are based on the novella Carmilla, written by Irish author Sheridan le Fanu about 25 years before Bram Stoker wrote Dracula. These are not unique in finding Carmilla to be influential in their story telling—aside from Dracula itself, it is by far the most referenced vampire work around, having some impact on films like Dreyer’s Vampyr, on Dracula’s Daughter, Blood and Roses, Crypt of the Vampire, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust and others, and that’s just looking at film.